June 12, 1996 7:30 p.m. was my debut at the famous Apollo Theater in Harlem, New York
This is reminiscent of my view as my man friend from Boston and I lumbered our way to stand in front of these doors at 4 a.m. We had come out on Greyhound together to do separate auditions.
I was first in line and the door opened at 9.
The line to audition had formed down the street and around the block.
Shirley Matthews was the coordinator I met as my 23 year old self.
“The pianist isn’t here yet but you can sing Acapella.”
“With You” my Mariah like song was sung in about 2 lines…
“I was misunderstood in a world of pain” I belted out
“No time to cry, held back the rain”… and then I was stopped.
“Ok,” she waved me over, “you can sing”
June 12, 1996 5:30 p.m.
As I warmed up and sung with the band on stage the first time, I recall this exact look as I sat in the chairs located in the audience.
This also reminded me of a gentleman that was an agent for one of the other acts approaching me.
7:30 p.m. – 8:00 p.m.
As I waited backstage after just talking to the girl that seemed to be an assistant of sorts this is what I recall.
Then I watched as I saw a younger female get pulled off the stage with a hook like this….. annnd I was next!
“Let’s hear it for Shandra, not Ch andra not Chaandra”
The black girl said jeeringly into the microphone.
Stepping onto the small side stage, I made sure to touch the famous piece of tree for luck before facing my misinformed hostess.
I had asked her stage assistant if I could be introduced as Chandra (“Shawndra”) not with the hard Ch sound and not with the letter a in my name being the long sound,
So, technically she introduced me exactly how i had asked.
I stood next to her more amused than upset.
I was in nice black heels and a very long, tight, black, dress next to the young, hip Comic View Star that was here to host “Amateur Night at The Apollo” on a Wednesday night.
Her braids hung long down her back and I could swear I recognized her from B.E.T. cable tv.
She sized me up,
“Hmm, where you from?”
“I’m from Cincinnati but live in Boston.”
“Mmm, ok whatchu gonna sing?”
“Love Takes Time by Mariah Carey.”
“Oh, ok, go ahead”
I just laughed.
“After all it is THE Apollo.”
Fearlessly, I took my spot and began singing when the music started.
As abrupt as the boos had begun, they stopped.
The immediate silence breaking into my first lines “I had it all, but I let it slip away” almost had me letting the lines of the song “slip away.”
With this loud silence I became afraid of what could happen… So I became super aware of myself but not the next lines of the song..
But feeling that familiar feeling of, going to sit somewhere else while my body continued to sing, I closed my eyes and let it take over.
The difference was so sudden as the crowd broke into loud yells and claps.
I recall that I was making an effort to walk across the stage as I sang the song in a trepidatious way, but finished happily.
During intermission I went out to find my friend’s cousin that had driven in with me.
He wasn’t hard to spot, near to the back as the only white face.
As I walked I saw an older lady with her friend and she stopped me
“You were so good, can i have your autograph”
It was the first time!
Then when I was walking in the back I was approached by an excited group of teenage girls.
“Ooo… girl, you can sing”
was what the head girl said to me.
“Hit a note”.
As she and I laughed together, I returned to the backstage area.
As I took the stage again at the end, I really didn’t know what to expect.
Although it was Amateur Night, the real Kiki from the show was there!
I stood there in a long line of everyone that had not been pulled off.
The beautiful woman in a super long dress was pretty far down the line and I relaxed taking in the scenery.
It was a feeling right at the back of my neck that pulled me back.
I swear my hairs were standing up as I realized Kiki was behind me!
My breath caught in my throat, my eyes went to the audience and I couldn’t move with the anticipation of what was to come.
This moment in time held everything for me!
I was glad it had happened so fast as she went down the line, but now she was right behind me and I had just a small slowed down second to register it all.. and then I heard the crowd responding wildly.
I can recall using my eyes to make sure her hand was over me thinking..
“Oh my God, they are actually clapping!”
The shock of it all barely registered as I stayed on the stage as people moved off of it.
It kept going as it finally went down to me and 2 other people.
The crowd divided in their applause and excitement for me, and it was obvious they wanted the great male singer to win the night.
Yet I was still on the stage!
As I stayed in a daze and finally made my exit from the stage and went down the stairs, I caught eyes with the girl I had talked to before.
The same assistant that seemed to not like me telling her how to say my name stopped and turned.
“Girl”, she exclaimed.
“Next time you need to sing Gospel, then you will win!”
It felt as if, I had been inducted to some amazing club and was a moment to stick!
Still in my high, I can recall going outside looking for my friend’s cousin and chatting lightly with nice people near the alley at 11pm!
Before I left the theater, I was asked about singing on the tv show by a white lady holding a clip board.
She was looking down at the list of dates.
“January next year is the next date”
” I’m really not sure where I will be by then” I said knowing my current gypsy style and turning down the opportunity.
1997, I did end up in Northern California to meet my dad for the first time since I was 6 years old.
On my arrival being able to sing at “Ivy’s” on New Years Eve and “Geoffrey’s” later in Oakland had the same feel and seemed to continue these years of validation.
Later when I returned to New York to meet with some people and possibly go to record companies I ventured back to The Apollo.
I can recall going up the stairs to chat with Shirley.
“I remember you and I remember you can sing”
she said easily.
“What would you sing”
was her question to me. Kinda great that she was making an effort to let me sing… That night!
“The National Anthem” was my question and suggestion.
Her unexcited response was,
“Someone did that already”
So i walked outside to the overlook in the back.
I remember standing up against this rail and having someone approach me.
“I remember you…”
“You sang Mariah”
He told me he was the clown and asked me if I wanted to sing at his gig tomorrow night.
I think I was in college and was supposed to present in class the next days so I told him I have to leave.
We didn’t get each other’s information and I only recently realized who he was.. So it’s a major honor to have been asked and remembered!